She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
