I can text with my tongue
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize