After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
