It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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