yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
