Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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