My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
