just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
