I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
