At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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