Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
