I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
