My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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