I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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