What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
