Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What a dumb baby whore.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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