you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
