If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
