Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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