she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize