I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
