I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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