we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
