Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
