tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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