Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
