mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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