i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
