I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize