mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
