It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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