I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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