That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
