Sponge bath it is.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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