Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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