angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
