Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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