mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
