Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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