Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
