Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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