I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
