I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want her autograph on my taint
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am available for nakedness
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
