idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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