Your face is a jimmy john
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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