You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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