just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
