We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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