I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am mentally ready for anal.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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