They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
