and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
