I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
