I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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