His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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