Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
