I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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