I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
that is very illegal...i love you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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