she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
