Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
