connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
