So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
