The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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