I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
