Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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