I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
