At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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