my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no you cant smoke seaweed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
