Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
