just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
