...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
