I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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