Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
