Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
